Thursday, March 5, 2009

From Dwight Schrute's Beet Farm: Facebook Note Mockery

So every now and then facebook has a stupid fad that everyone ends up doing (right now its those stupid friend pictures like "the jock" "the slut" etc.) but a couple weeks ago it was 25 things about yourself, and for those who have yet to read it, here was mine:

1.) I'm really good looking (you already know this, but this fact needed to be reiterated).

2.) Grammar is more important than life itself (my list goes: 1. Grammar 2. Money 2.5 Bitches 3. Orange Tic Tacs 4. Oxygen).

3.) I'm really fast (to give you a reference, I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose).

4.) I'm extremely funny (you can use this note as evidence of my genious sense of humor).

5.) I'm also very humble (even though I'm so much better than everyone).

6.) My favorite rap group is The CunninLynguists, There's a reason you've never heard of them. (It's because I'm better than you).

7.) I am an avid underachiever. It's not that I'm lazy, it's just, I don't care.

8.) My favorite place in the world is Hedges Boyer.

9.) I am the greatest singer ever. All of my friends can attest to that.

10.) I am the greatest dancer ever. All of my bitches can attest to that.

11.) My shit really doesn't stink.

12.) I am very superstious. I hate black cats, the number 23, the number 13, and many other things.

A Baker's Dozen) Just incase you thought i was kidding on the previous one.

14.) I also have extremely unfortunate luck, especially with women. But I'm starting to make sense of this. If I had normal luck it would be unfair for everyone else. Also if I didnt have bad luck with women, I'd have 439 babies, which is far too many mouths to feed on a General Food Serivice Worker's salery.

15.) I once owned a Blue/Rust 1990 Pontiac Grand AM. They had to take it away from me, in fear of becoming too awesome.

16.) I am rather short. Once again this is to level out the playing field.

17.) I have a very impressive hat collection.

18.) The best movie ever made is Juno, if you think elsewise, you are incorrect.

19.) I am a member of the message forum. I have 2375 posts and counting. I am NOT a loser.

20.) I recently purchased an iPod and 5 CDs from Finders (your local music library), and currently have $18.50 in my bank account.

21.) I love the play count feature on iTunes. If you do not let a song finish, I will punish you (by punish you, I mean kill you).

22.) I hate people who over use the word, literally.

24.) I correct people's grammar excessively. Some find this annoying, but do they find it annoying when Spiderman saves their lives?

25.) I hate conformity, so i will not end at 25.

26.) My ideal woman: bites her nails, picks on me endlessly, thumb wrestles, loves the Chicago Bears, knows my musical taste is superior but wont admit it, make me a sandwich (NOW!), smells nice, knows the difference between to, two, too and your and you're, reads books, is kinda weird, likes to eat, and rates 11 on the 1-10 scale (i mean come on, I'm atleast a 15 on the 1-10 scale).

27.) I am a boderline germ freak, but I've been getting better since college.

28.) I use elipses (...) often... I have no explination for this...

29.) The best sporting team ever is the aforementioned Chicago Bears. God is Mike Ditka.

30.) I have one brother, he is my understudy in awesomeness.

31.) Sometimes ya gotta race...

32.) I HATE it when people use the word irony incorrectly.

33.) I secretly look at the stars and sunsets, if you tell anyone about this I'll fucking kill you.

34.) I am a firm believer in eating healthy... except on wing night.

35.) I think I've dragged this joke on long enough, if I think of something else awesome, I'll write it down and make a sequal... but I wouldn't hold your breath

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