Friday, March 6, 2009

From Chris Brown's Beat Farm: 4 Possible Future Careers

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4 Possible Future Careers For Chris Brown

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(Photo - Getty Images)

Now that Chris Brown's music career is lookin' like it's a wrap like saran, he's going to need to find another vocation where he can still make arab money and be in the spotlight...or at least collect a check and have SOME admirers...'cause you know the only other options are McDonald's or become a full-time Tweeter like MC Hammer.

Yours truly...just call me broken cool...has put together a list of 4 Possible Future Careers For Chris Brown.


Chris seems like a real know...when he's not allegedly beating up one of the biggest female artist's ever. He's been able to put pen to paper in music so I really think those writing abilities can crossover into the world of greeting cards. Here's a couple of samples I'm sure CB could come up with:

Roses are red, violets are blue

My lambo is blue and your face is too


Congratulations on your Grammy get out of my car bitch.

You know...real heart warming stuff that hits close to home.



There is nothing I love to do more after beating up my girlfriend than jetting off to somewhere hot to go jet-skiing. The above is a pic of Chris Brown mere days after he allegedly beat up Rihanna. It seems like he's got this jet-skiing thing down so he might wanna keep that in mind when he puts out his next album and it sells less copies than a Hot Rod/Lloyd Banks collaboration project.

#2 MMA

The damage that Chris Brown inflicted on Rihanna was shocking and doubt...but there are MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) fighters that don't cause this much damage in 3 rounds...hell...let alone's an example:

I say get CB on a card ASAP and put him up against Kimbo "If I Need To Do Anything Other Than Punch Someone In The Face I'll Lose" Slice and hopefully CB can work on his ground game a little...then again...Kimbo appears to just fall down on his own so whatever.


I'm sure by now you've read the detectives notes on how things went down the night Brown allegedly smacked around Rihanna like she owed him money. But have you REALLY read the notes? Brown allegedly did most of the damage to Rihanna while he was navigating a Lamborghini through evening L.A. traffic. I mean he was punching her with one hand while steering the Lamborghini with the other. Steering a Lamborghini isn't like taking your parent's car to the grocery, I'm pretty sure you don't need to punch anyone while driving in Nascar...although you may need to be able to throw down should you crash:

Seriously though...Chris could kill it in Nascar with his precision driving skills. His car could be sponsored by his new favourite company, I Fucked Up My Life Industries.

... oh how I love this Chris Brown gag.


  1. Goose, you should of put a video of Tony Stewart for the NASCAR one instead. I'd love to see CB and Tony go at it on the race track.

  2. Can I just point out your spelling of the word favorite? Favourite... Hm. Hypocrite. I think so.

    That was just a side note though... These careers are all completely achievable on Chris's part (yes I'm on a first name basis). Maybe another career could be something like make-up artist... Did you see the beautiful black and blue marks he left on Rihanna? Bitches would pay good money for that shit. Plus, it stays for awhile in comparison to other make-up alternatives.

  3. perhaps you missed this:
    swiped from:

    which means i didnt write this, i just posted it cuz i found it amusing

  4. Well, you should have proof read it bitch. Haha.