Juice's Thoughts: 2015 is going to be a great year for movies

 By: Taylor Gase

2015! Why am I excited about 2015? Well I’m a movie fan and there are some great movies coming out! What makes me call these movies great before even seeing them? Because people have been waiting for movies like theses for a very long time and even if they suck people would say “It was great to see another one of these films, too bad it sucked.”

There are a lot of movies coming out that will continue many “Movie Franchises.” To me a Movie Franchises is a series of films taking place in the same universe. Now I’m very excited about all theses franchises coming back such as Star Wars, Jurassic Park, and Terminator. The reason is because…have you seen the Marvel and DC movie list for the past 5 years. Now I love superhero movies, but like 20 films within 5 years, it feels like they’re taking over. It’ll be nice to have a list of movies I want to see that are not just superhero types.

I’m going to talk about Jurassic World right now, and I’ll talk about the others later. Jurassic Park came out in 1993, it was based off the book and it was directed by Steven Spielberg. This movie was a hit. I feel like everyone goes through a dinosaurs love phase (I work at a day care and all the kids from all ages love dinosaurs.) So seeing dinosaurs going on a rampage with great effects that still hold up to today made people wanting more! When The Lost World: Jurassic Park movie came out the franchises was born. The movie was once again directed by Steven Spielberg but that didn’t make it as successful as the first. Fans didn’t like this one as much as the first; some say it’s the worst. The ones that don’t call the 2^nd one the worst, they give that title to Jurassic Park 3. Now I’ll do a review on all three prior to the new film’s release.

Now here’s my question. If the fans were disappointed by the last two films, why would they be asking for another for all these years! That’s the power of a franchise; people want to see more even if they won’t like it. And what I like to remind people is that the film makers don’t want to make a bad movie that fans will hate. People think they only make sequels to make money. Besides some independent films, EVERY MOVIE IS MADE TO MAKE MONEY!

The trailer for Jurassic World is out and I loved it! They showed the park is now open and from the looks and sound of it, it’s been opening for a long time. I would love this movie to show a family that goes to the park, have a good time, and come back home safe. But that won’t be much of a movie. Unless that family was the Griswolds and Clark gets in all theses funny shenanigans. Now that I think about it I would love to see that made into a film! Have the Griswolds in the same universe as Jurassic Park (watch out Avengers, there’s another shard universes movie about to be made!)

In the trailer the science have already played god by coping his act of making dinosaurs, but they want to one up god by mixing dinosaurs DNA and make a new one. My favorite actor Chirs Pratt says the smartest thing “That’s not a good idea.” So there’s the plot of this film and it’s a lot better than some of the rumors I’ve heard over the many, many years of waiting for this film. I like it, it’s different, and the closing shot made it look like Chirs Pratt is using some of the deadly dinosaurs out to hunt this Abomination. I’m very excited, I’ve always been a JP fan so this movie makes my 2015 must see list!

Rhymes: Lil Herb - "Fight or Flight (Remix)" (feat. Common & Chance the Rapper) (Music Video)

A few weeks back three of Chicago's best emcees got together for a remix off on Lil Herb's under the radar mixtape, Welcome to Fazoland mixtape. Now we have a video from the three that highlights both the good and bad parts of the southside of Chicago. It's really nice to see Common not only co-sign the 18 year-old Lil Herb, but also come back home to do a video shoot. This song and video also shows the wide range of talent and styles from Chicago.

While Common and Chano may have the bigger names, Herb holds down his track with his aggressive delivery, rapid flow, and lines like: "I used to think that I could go back what I used to do
Now I cry less and less at all my homie's funerals." With his excellent tape and appearance on Common's Nobody's Smiling album, in addition to appearing on XXL's freshman cover, it's looking like Herb will be joining Chance and Vic Mensa as Chicago's top tier of young talent.

From the Beet Farm: Family Guy Meets The Simpsons (TV Review)

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EDITOR'S NOTE: BRL loyalists will remember at one time, this blog also occasionally covered TV and movies. Well lucky for you our TV/Movie/Super-Hero columnist, Juice, is back. He sent me this a couple weeks ago, when it was more relevant, but hell, I was busy. All this is written by him, with quick edits by myself. Enjoy.

 Family Guy Meets The Simpsons

 BY: Juice

When I was in 8^th grade I was talking to my friends about The Simpsons and Family Guy. We thought of the ideas of what would happen if the characters would be in an episode together.  I ended it saying that they will never be in an episode together. Well 8 years later Fox put them together anyway. 

“Simpson Guy” – what better way to title an episode people have been waiting years to see. When doing any cross over I believe the goal is to have both sides equally shown and not to have one side top the other. In “Simpson Guy” I fully enjoyed both of the Griffin and Simpson families. I’ve been watching The Simpsons all my life and Family Guy since I was a kid, so I can tell how their shows and comedy are different. This episode captured the style of both the shows very well; I even tweeted during the episode saying that it feels like I’m watching both my favorite shows in the same half hour (forgetting it was an hour long episode). An hour wasn’t long enough; there was some stuff in the episode that had build up but got wrapped up very quickly. One of the sub plots was Brian losing the Simpson’s family dog Santa’s Little Helper. Here’s what happened: Brian lost the dog, had to lie to the family about where the dog was and in the end the dog came back on his own. It’s a shame that this sub plot was so short because there was a chance for Brian to walk around Springfield interacting with some famous characters from the town. 

Another sub plot that seemed to be very short was the Meg and Lisa storyline. Now the scenes with theses two are very The Simpsons style. Family Guy gets a lot of its comedy from making fun, and not caring about people’s feelings. Meg is 90% of all of that. The Simpsons has a lot of heart in their episodes and a lot of moments where a character will eventually do the right thing. The Meg/Lisa moments showed Lisa having interest in Meg and making her believe that she’s not worthless, but Lisa regrets helping her when she finds out that Meg is better at the saxophone than her. Lisa gets jealous, but in the end she comes to her unselfish ways and passes the saxophone over to Meg. But it has a very Family Guy ending having Peter throw away the saxophone not caring about Meg in the least. 

No sub plot with the wives, but they did have a good one with Bart and Stewie. Stewie finds Bart as a type of mentor and wishes to style his life as Bart’s. But Stewie’s life choices scares Bart away and ruins the friendship. Not much of a story line, but it did carry some good comedy. Now the big one, the only one that really matters – Homer and Peter’s story line. The two work together to find Peter’s stolen car, and the car was returned based on no actions taken by Peter or Homer. The car being return so quickly felt rushed, like maybe there was a bigger story on how they got the car back, but it was cut due to time. Then again that is how Family Guy episodes go sometimes. They both shared a hilarious car wash scene and a big over the top fight scene.

Threw out the episode there are breaking fourth wall jokes. I have never seen so many breaking fourth wall jokes in anything. There is a court room scene where they pointed out all the character simulators from both shows. And they even get Fred Flintstone to be the judge, who was the very first carton fat lazy husband, that is freaking funny!

Now let me get into the fight of this episode. Stan Lee said that whenever two super heroes fight, they have to end it in a draw, that way you don’t show one as better than the other. In this episode they took the Peter fighting the big yellow chicken route. These two getting into a fight was never a surprise, there have been video games out there having theses two fight so it was great to see one in an episode. And going back to the super hero talk, when ever two super heroes meet they always get into fights. In Marvel’s The Avengers Thor fought all the heroes while Iron Man and Captain America had arguments. Not saying Peter and Homer are super heroes but I’m not surprised that they fought.

Now remember when I said I never seen so many breaking the fourth wall jokes? Well I believe that the real fight between Peter and Homer, was actually between Matt Groening and Seth MacFarlane. It’s funny if you watch the court room scene you can see both of them sitting next to each other in the audience. If you think about it, Homer and Peter have been fighting each other since the beginning. Fighting over ratings, reviews, best time spots on the Fox channel, and the best cartoon show on Fox. Over the years the two have beaten King of the Hill, Futurama, The Cleveland Show, and still seemed to be the best, so the fight could be which show one is the best. The best moment in the fight was when Homer started throwing Golden Globes at Peter, and Peter asked him to stop because he doesn’t have any. 

It seems that Peter is the winner of the fight, due to them basing this fight off the fights between Peter and the chicken (where Peter walks away victorious believing the chicken to be dead but the chicken opens his eyes to show that he’ll be back for more at another time). The show ends the two giving a hand shake saying that both of them respect each other, which is another fourth wall moment, and another reason why I think that this was Matt Groening and Seth MacFarlane.

Over all this was a great time, felt like you were watching both a Family Guy and Simpsons episode and that’s all I ever asked for! 

BRL 2013 Year in Review (Part 4 - The Grand Finale)

...And finally, the top 10:

10. Drake – Nothing Was the Same (81)

I was sort of surprised how highly this album ranked. In a stronger year for music, this probably wouldn't have placed in the top ten, but that also doesn't take away from the many strong qualities of Drake's third LP. Nothing Was the Same is a far cry from Take Care, both in sound and quality, but was still one of the year's most exciting records. 

09. The Weeknd – Kiss Land (81)

It seems like there's a general consensus that The Weeknd's major debut LP is his weakest project to date. In fact, remember all of those "Top Albums of 2013" lists that you read 3 months ago? Hardly any of them included Kiss Land, let alone having it in the top 10. But here's the thing, this is The Weeknd's most focused effort yet, and his songwriting has improved tremendously. The hype,  uniqueness and mysteriousness of his House of Balloons era of the Canadian singer has long-since passed, and I will also concede that production-wise, this is his least interesting sounding record. But his ability to tell a story throughout this record, while also pushing the boundaries of modern R&B, is proof that The Weeknd is more than a flash in the pan type artist.

08. Terrace Martin – 3ChordFold (81)

Terrace Martin's 3ChordFold is easily 2013's Cinderella story. I recognized Martin's name from several production credits he's accumulated over the years, but never checked out any of his solo projects. I don't remember why I was inclined to check this album out, but I'm glad I did. A perfect blend of hip hop and modern jazz, made for one of the best produced albums of the year.

07. HAIM – Days Are Gone (82.5)

Kid Cudi's Indicud album, which was released in April 2013, was for the most part a pretty forgettable record. One notable song from the album was a track called "Red Eye," which served as my introduction to the Haim sisters. Since then, I've seen their name pop up left and right, and how they were destined to be one of the most exciting new bands of the year. I missed a chance to see them at Lollapalooza back in August (their set was during Local Natives and The National, neither of whom I wanted to miss), which was a bummer because their debut album Days Are Gone more than lived up to the hype. It's easily one of the funnest albums to come out all year, and is just plain, good old fashion pop music.

06. Black Milk – No Poison, No Paradise (83)

In 2013, Detroit set a record for becoming the largest American city ever to file for bankruptcy. For a long time, Detroit has seen a great amount of struggle with a dying automobile industry leading a once prominent city into poverty. And on Black Milk's fourth album, No Poison, No Paradise, the Detroit beatsmith/rapper paints a very vivid picture of what it is like to grow up in such a place. While Danny Brown also did an excellent job of describing Detroit's plight on tracks like "Wonderbread" and "Torture," Black Milk tells a story of "a decent kid to doing a bid"over the course of a full album. It's the Detroit version of goodkid m.A.A.d. city and it's the perfect autumn album.

05. Daft Punk – Random Access Memories (87.5)

I didn't play Daft Punk's long awaited Random Access Memories in its entirety until December of last year. Initially I was so absorbed by "Get Lucky," which is the perfect pop song and is probably this decade's "Hey Ya." Slowly I was getting introduced to new songs from the album that I would fall in love with, until I finally decided to sit down and play the whole thing through. And damnit, if this album isn't brilliant. The robots showed off their human side by making dance album made up of live instruments instead of synthesizers and bringing back some disco vibes. RAM is a meticulously crafted masterpiece that may not hit you immediately, but when it does it will become one of your favorites. 

04. Chance the Rapper – Acid Rap (88)

By the end of 2013, Chance the Rapper pretty much cemented himself as the next big thing in hip hop. He toured with Eminem and appeared on a Justin Beiber single, but it all started with his stellar sophomore mixtape. It'll be very interesting to see what he does next; does he sign to a major or go the solo route? Regardless I'm very certain that Acid Rap is just the beginning.

03. Vampire Weekend – Modern Vampires of the City (88.5)

Vampire Weekend, along with bands like The Shins and MGMT, is one of those essential "college bands" whose music always takes me back to dorm rooms and stale beer. Their self-titled debut album was one of my favorite albums as a Freshman in college, and their sophomore effort was a favorite as a sophomore too. But the main issue with both of those albums is that despite their intoxicating melodies and fun grooves, they sort of lacked the type of substance that requires repeated listens. But with Ezra Koenig and company's third effort, that all changed. Modern Vampires wasn't as instantly gratifying as its predecessors, but much of the album is what I would consider a slow burn. "Hudson" and "Hannah Hunt" are some of the most stripped down and vulnerable songs that Koenig has ever written, but they also may be among his best. While a lot of the album deals with heavy themes such as mortality and religion, there are still some classic Vampire Weekend bangers like "Diane Young," "Step" and "Everlasting Arms."

02. Kanye West – Yeezus (88.5)

What can I say about Kanye and this album that I haven't already? I am an unabashed Kanye Stan, and I think Yeezus is an exceptional piece of music. Many people disagree, and I understand why people wouldn't be into this; it's not music made to please everybody. In fact it's intentionally abrasive to evoke strong feelings from the listener - be those feelings positive or negative. But it's also just a lot of fun to listen to. This is Kanye's worst moment from a lyrical standpoint (although I don't think he was striving to rap like Nas on this record), but that doesn't stop it from being one of the most quotable albums I've heard in a while. With My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, Kanye achieved perfection. This is Kanye's flawed masterpiece.

01. The National – Trouble Will Find Me (90.5)

The major life event for me in 2013 was my move from Ohio to Chicago. The National's Trouble Will Find Me was released about a month and a half prior to my move. So this album is held in high regards partially due to the fact that it was the soundtrack of those final nights with my good friends in Ohio. But this album is the top of 2013 mainly because it features my current favorite band at the top of their game. Matt Berninger is rock music's best lead man and his songwriting continues to get better with each release. And the Dessner and Devendorf brothers' production and instrumentation has also continued to improve, as they find a way to combine the somberness of High Violet and the more upbeat, straight forward rocking of Alligator, while still creating a cohesive record.

BRL 2013 Year in Review (Part 3)

20. Danny Brown – Old (79)

To say Danny Brown's Old was a disappointment, would be an understatement, considering it was one of the most lyrically dexterous albums all year. But following 2011's breakthrough, XXX, Brown's follow up seems a little bit like a let down. He delves further into the EDM sound that he has been experimenting with, but that's not the issue here. He again splits his album off into two sections: the more dark and gritty tracks and the more upbeat and sexual cuts. This time it doesn't have the same effect as it did on XXX, but that's not really the issue either. The real issue is that the hype that Danny Brown amassed in the two years since his last album led to unrealistically high expectations, that it was nearly impossible for the Detroit spitter to live up to.

19. The Uncluded – Hokey Fright (79)

This was one of the more bizarre releases of the year. Aesop Rock and Kimya Dawson, despite being pretty much total opposites, found a way to make a great album together. Uncluded featured Aesop, whose music is often complex, loud and sort of ugly sounding, meeting halfway with Dawson, whose music is often simple, soft and sweet sounding. Aesop sounded great rapping over Dawson's acoustic guitar, and Aesop's songwriting is easier to take in with Dawson's straight foward lyrics (best example: "Delicate Cycle").

18. Mac Miller – Watching Movies with the Sound Off (79)

 Another surprise last year was the vast improvement of Mac Miller. I saw glimpses of his potential in his unfairly panned debut, and had high hopes for his second full-length, Watching Movies with the Sound Off, but was blown away when I heard it. It was released on hip hop's most eventful release date of the year, and was initially ignored by many folks (including myself), it managed to be a much more interesting release than J. Cole's album and a much more lyrically enlightening release than Kanye's release.

17. Run the Jewels (Killer Mike & El-P) – Run the Jewels (79)

Killer Mike and El-P now have hip hop's best bromance, so it was natural that they'd release an album together. Their chemistry is undeniable, and their self-titled debut is exactly what you would want out of such a release: lighthearted, impeccable raps, neck snapping beats, and a ton of fun. Word is that they're working on a follow up, which I hope offers a little more in terms of subject matter, but the first Run the Jewels record is a perfect summer album.

16. Pusha T – My Name is My Name (79)

Pusha T's long-awaited album didn't come without its share of setbacks. After a couple of lukewarm mixtapes, my expectations began to wane, but after hearing lead single "Numbers on the Board" I knew Push was about to release an excellent project. Despite all of its pushed back release dates, I think October was the perfect time for this dark, cynical album to come out. 

15. Tegan & Sara – Heartthrob (79)

This was an album I only checked out because it was January/February and there was nothing else to listen to. Heartthrob was the first full album I've heard from the indie pop duo, and it was a fantastic introduction. This album has been in rotation for most of the year, with its great pop melodies and poignant songwriting.

14. Gilbere Forte – PRAY (79)

This was an album that I was surprised to see how badly it flew under the radar. Easily one of my favorite hip hop releases of last year damn near went unnoticed by essentially every major hip hop publication. PRAY sounds like a drunken summer night, and Gilbere Forte raps with the intensity of a Royce da 5'9" over Drake-style production.

13. Local Natives – Hummingbird (80)

The Local Natives' second album, much like Tegan & Sara's Heartthrob, stayed in rotation for most of 2013, thanks to being released early on in the year. But unlike Heartthrob, and the band's debut album, there is nothing immediate about Hummingbird. This album is a slow burn, but you'll be glad you came back for more. Well, maybe not glad. More likely mildly depressed because this album is a bit of a downer. "Heavy Feet" is not only one of my favorite songs of the year, but also the most gut wrenchingly depressing.

12. Red Pill & Hir-O – The Kick (80)

Sometime towards the end of 2012, I received an email from a fellow Okay Player and respected music writer about an artist that he managed. The song he sent me hit me immediately and it quickly became one of my favorites. I posted about the song, "Waiting on a Train" and then was given a copy of Red Pill & Hir-O's The Kick. The album took a little while to grow on me - mainly because "Waiting  on a Train" was so excellent, I couldn't stop playing it. But when The Kick finally sunk in, I knew these two relatively unknown cats from the Detroit area were something special. Red Pill teamed up with Apollo Brown and Verbal Kent for Ugly Heroes, while Hir-O has been producing for several other emcees including Greenlee, but I think they have a phenomenal chemistry together. I am excited to see what they come up with next.

11. Arctic Monkeys – AM (80.5)

The Arctic Monkeys is a band I've always meant to check out, but never got around to doing so. Finally I was sucked in this year by their amusingly titled "Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?" and from there I was hooked. AM is packed with blues riffs, excellent songwriting, and a whole lot of sense of humor. Alex Turner has become one of my favorite lead singers, and the Arctic Monkeys made the best blues record since the Black Keys' Brothers.

BRL 2013 Year in Review (Part 2)

30. Tonedeff – Glutton (75.5)

29. John Legend – Love in the Future (75.5)

28. Louis Logic – Look on the Blight Side (76)

After seven years without a solo album, Louis Logic finally released a new record in 2013. Logic handled all the production himself, which at times resulted in some mediocre and same-sounding beats. But overall it was another great release from one of the most technically gifted rappers in the game. The album's opening track, "A Day Late & a Dollar Short" was one of my favorite songs of the year.

27. Cold War Kids – Dear Miss Lonelyhearts (76)

I discovered a lot of great music listening to University of Findlay's radio station last year. One band that I re-discovered was the Cold War Kids. "Miracle Mile" was getting a lot of plays and it was a great song, which prompted me to further investigate their latest LP. It was a slow burn of an album, where I only liked a few songs at first, but by the end of the year, it become one of my favorites.

26. Big Sean – Hall of Fame (76.5)

G.O.O.D. Music's most polarizing figure showed his great potential in 2012 with an excellent mixtape and stole the show on Cruel Summer. And that potential became more realized this year with his sophomore effort, Hall of Fame. This album showed the Detroit can do more emotionally driven subject matter, in addition to his swagger raps.

25. Mayer Hawthorne – Where Does this Door Go? (77)

24. Dessa – Parts of Speech (78)

This album came out right before I moved to Chicago. I didn't play the fourth track of this album until a few months after getting this album. The third track is the excellent lead single "Warsaw," where Dessa proves her battle rap chops. But the first two cuts - "Man I Knew" and "Give Up Your Ghost" - are as fierce of a one-two punch to start an album as any I can remember. When I finally got to the entire album, I realized Parts of Speech was damn good.

23. Justin Timberlake – The 20/20 Experience (part 1) (78.5)

22. Tuxedo (Mayer Hawthorne & Jake-One) – Tuxedo (78.5)

Mayer Hawthorne had a pretty solid year between his third LP, Where Does This Door Go? and his "secret" project with Seattle beatmaker Jake-One. His latest full-length is probably his best album, but his 3-track Tuxedo managed to have the three best songs he made all year. "Do It" is one of those undeniable songs, that you love the second you hear it.

21. Ugly Heroes (Apollo Brown, Red Pill & Verbal Kent) – Ugly Heroes (78.5)

BRL Spotlight: David May - Video 94 EP (Free Download)

This is a pretty solid track from Cali emcee David May and beatsmith Gunnuh. I especially dig the vocal sample with the trap-style drums. Nice touch. David May's style reminds me a lot of Schoolboy Q, so if you dig Oxymoron, I would check out this EP.

Walnut, California rapper David May presents the EM3-directed music video for “Store Runs”, the new single from VIDEO 94, his new free EP out now featuring DAMAR, Phantom Thrett and produced by fellow OSA (One Step Ahead) affiliate Gunnah. Born to a drug-addicted mother, David lived in foster homes before being adopted by a couple who had previously lost a daughter to leukemia. In  2010 May locked the opening spot on Wiz Khalifa’s Deal Or No Deal Tour. May reached out to fellow 909 area artist Curtiss King of Black Cloud Music for beats. The two exchanged beats for concert tickets. “That show changed my life,” says David. “I knew right then this is what I wanted in life: music and anything to do with it.” In 2012 Black Cloud released David’s debut album The Lifestyle Of A Dream Chaser and performed alongside Pac Div, Curren$y and joined The Road To Paid Dues Tour with Murs and Fashawn. Now independent, David describes Video 94 as “an homage to the local head shop I frequent. It’s all about the late-night stoner lifestyle I’ve grown accustomed to.”

BRL 2013 Year in Review (Part 1)

Once again BRL is back with its end of the year list, at the end of February. I’ve decided that this is now an intentional thing that I do (even though it totally isn’t). You see, every year starting around December 2^nd, the good folks who browse the Internet get bombarded with every sort of end-of-the-year list imaginable. If those people are anything like me, they love these lists. They love reading them. They love smirking when they’re totally fucking wrong. They getting excited when the list agrees with their opinion of an underrated album. They frantically search for music on these lists that they are unfamiliar with. I understand these people. I am these people.

But what if I told you that the end-of-the-year list doesn’t have to just be a December/super early January event? What if I told you that you can read such a list, and it still be equally relevant at is was two months ago? My laziness/tardiness aside, I think a list of such can be equally useful in February as it is in December (or at least that’s what I’m going to convince you). By now you’ve read every list and you’re probably sick of them. Well, I don’t give a damn. You’re going to read this list and like it because unlike the other lists, this one is correct. (Actually, I think I might disagree with some of this, even though I made it. Opinions on music tend to change constantly, so no rating system is perfect.)

Over the past five or so years, I've assembled a way to calculate albums on a 1-100 scale. There are 10 categories, which I consider important aspects that a great album will have, and they are worth up to 10 points each. These categories include:

* Replay Value (How often I want to go back and listen to this album again)

* Vocal Performance (Mind you, I rate non-hip hop albums on this scale as well. This category essentially means how good is the rapping: rhyme scheme, flows, etc.)

* Production (Are the beats dope or nah?)

* Subject Matter (Is there a decent amount of topics or angles for songs on the album?)

* Songwriting (I don't have a lyric category because good lyricism can mean many different things. For multis, punchlines and technical prowess, you get points in the Vocal Performance category. Songwriting includes structure, hooks, etc.)

* Cohesion (do the songs flow well in order? Is there a common theme?)

* Originality (does this album bring something different to the table?)

* Popular Influence (how did this album affect popular culture? Yes this category gives an advantage to mainstream artists, but if an album can do everything else effectively, but on a bigger scale, I believe it deserves more points than an artist who isn't reaching many people)

* Personal Influence (how did this album reflect my personal life in 2013?)

* Gut Reaction (How did I feel about this album the first few times I heard it?)

When you see the scores, try to refrain from the school-style of grading (ie: 90-100 = A, etc.) because it is very difficult for an album to get a perfect 10 in a category (for reference, Kendrick Lamar's good kid, mAAd city received a 95 last year, which is the highest an album has ever gotten since making this system). To give you a point of reference, an album that I would give an 8.5 on the RapReviews scale would probably get around an 80 on mine. For tie breakers, I chose the album with higher Personal Influence, then Replay Value, then Popular Influence, then Gut Reaction.

50. James Blake – Overgrown (69.5)

49. Vic Mensa – Innanettape (69.5)

 This is a mixtape that probably would've been higher on the list, had I more time with it. I made the unfortunate mistake of sleeping on Mensa because "he sounds too much like Chance the Rapper." Which isn't necessarily untrue, their voices/cadences are nearly identical, but Chance even admitted that it was a style birthed by Mensa. Chicago has a lot of young talent, and it will be exciting to watch it reach its potential in the next few years.

48. Imperial & KINETIK – Pencils, Not Pistols (70)

47. Sky Ferreira – Night Time, My Time (70)

46. Various Artists – The Great Gatsby OST (70.5)

 Yeah, the movie was kind of a bloated mess, but there were some wonderful moments, musically. (Of course we aren't talking about the scenes where people are dancing to Watch the Throne in the 1920s.) This is one of the better soundtracks I've heard in a few years, with excellent songs from Jack White, Lana Del Rey, Jay-Z (his song on this soundtrack was better than most of his album), The xx, and hell, even Fergie dropped a banger.

45. Ghostface Killah & Apollo Brown – 12 Reasons to Die: The Brown Tape (71)

44. CHVRCHES – The Bones of What You Believe (71)

43. J. Cole – Born Sinner (71)

42. Oddisee – Tangible Dream (72.5)

41. Neko Case – The Worse Things Get… (72.5)

40. Jahshua Smith – The Final Season (73.5)

39. Childish Gambino - …beacuase the internet (73.5)

Donald Glover still has some work to do, in terms of finding his own "rapper voice." On his debut he either sounded like someone rapping who didn't know how to rap, or someone doing a Lil Wayne impression. On his much improved sophomore effort, he again sounds like he's doing impressions of various rappers, but this time the writing is much better. The production, concept and lyrics are very good on this record. Glover has potential to be a great rapper, but he's still got a ways to go.

38. Arcade Fire – Reflektor (74)

In 2013 I finally decided that I do not like Arcade Fire. It might have nothing to do with Win Butler and company; it very well could be that Funeral and The Suburbs were played on a loop for two months at my place of work. But I think it might have a little something to do with them, and Reflektor is indicative of everything I dislike about them.

For starters, Win Butler is an incredibly uncharismatic front man. Several times throughout the course of this record, he tries so hard to be James Murphy, the album's producer/a legitimately cool front man for a good/likable band. Arcade Fire is an immensely talented group of musicians, but for every time I find myself tapping my foot to a grove, there's a moment I shake my head at how obnoxiously pretentious they are.

All that being said, Reflektor is a good record. It's entirely too long, but there are quite a few good songs on here that get better with more plays. But it's also an exhausting record. It's annoyingly good. It's so good that I still have to include it on my list, despite my complete disdain for it.

37. Ghostface Killah & Adrian Younge (74)

36.  A$AP Rocky – LongLiveA$AP (74.5)

35. Built to Fade – To Dust (74.5)

34. Tyler, the Creator – Wolf (75)

33. Lorde – Pure Heroine (75)

32. Natti (of CunninLynguists) – Still Motion (75)

31. Volcano Choir – Repave (75.5)

Rhymes: Drake - So Far Gone (5 Years Later)

A part of being in your mid-twenties is being able to say “wow, that makes me feel old” for the first time. Sure, it sounded cool when your older brothers/cousins said that reminiscing of their younger years, but when you find it coming out of your mouth, it stings a little. This week I had two occurrences of this – the first being College Dropout turning 10 years old, and the second is Drake’s debut mixtape So Far Gone turning five.   

Unlike most, I wasn’t receptive of So Far Gone initially. February 2009 I was deep in my anti-Lil Wayne and in the final days where I disliked most of what mainstream hip hop had to offer. So when Aubrey Graham’s name started making rounds on hip hop blogs, I stayed clear. By the time “Best I Ever Had” took off, I had been so put off by college girls claiming that Drake was their favorite rapper, I was in full-fledge hater mode. I heard the single a few times and dismissed it as “kind of catchy but nothing spectacular,” and decided against attending a show he had in Bowling Green.

Fast-forward a few months to the summer of 2009 and “Best I Ever Had” had really started to take off on pop radio and started to grow on me. It was tacky, crude, but it didn’t take itself too seriously and was a lot of fun. Drake was a cornball, but he seemed in on the joke. I finally got So Far Gone, about four months later than the rest of the world, and didn’t really get into it at first. Sure, “Uptown” was a banger and “Houstonlantavegas” stood out as the best on the tape, but I didn’t really get into the tape as a whole until the following winter.

Five years later, I own every LP Drake has put out. I consider his sophomore effort Take Care, one of the best albums of the current decade, and revisit his debut every summer because it’s one of the better summer LPs in recent memory. But So Far Gone is arguably his most significant piece of work. Many say it’s the Canadian rapper/singer’s best work, and he has still yet to top “Best I Ever Had’s” success on the charts (peaked at #2). 

Overall it’s probably Drake’s worst project. He’s since elevated his skills in terms of rapping and singing, but So Far Gone is significant because it was a glimpse of hip hop’s next big thing. Prior to the mixtape, he was just another face in a crowd full of mediocre rappers under Lil Wayne’s Young Money regime. While he may not have perfected it until Take Care, So Far Gone showed that Drake had a specific vision, unique sound and a good story to tell.

Rhymes: The Yeezus Tour (Part One: The Calm Before the Yeezus)

 

In about 26 hours of writing this sentence, I will be experiencing the “Yeezus” tour with Kanye West and Kendrick Lamar. I have been a Kanye West fan since one fateful summer day in 2003 when I saw the “Through the Wire” music video on BET or MTV. Since then Mr. West has grown more and more as an artist and I’ve grown more and more obsessive with him. 

Unfortunately I have not been able to witness Kanye’s infinite brilliance in form of a live show until this year. The “Glow in the Dark” tour, which followed his “Graduation” album, happened while I was in high school and unemployed. Kanye didn’t have a tour following two of my favorite albums from him, “808s & Heartbreaks” (yes this is a great album, if you disagree, your opinion is wrong) and “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy.”  And I missed out on the extravagant “Watch the Throne” tour due to schedule conflicts and the lack of funds (missing them do “N***** in Paris” 10+ times in a row will always be one of my life’s greatest regrets). 

When the “Yeezus” tour was announced a few months ago, I was very prompt in purchasing tickets for my friend and me. I was counting down the days until Kanye and Kendrick would arrive in Chicago to perform in the United Center. Then a week or so before the show, Kanye postponed the date due to damaged stage equipment. This was unfortunate, but I know that this show is going to be so bonkers that it will be worth the wait. 

What makes Kanye West such a fascinating figure is his unpredictability. I’ve done my best to avoid reading about the shows he’s already done, although I’ve seen a few pictures of him onstage with a Jesus lookalike, Kanye donning a mask and some giant mountain thing. I’m hoping for some classic rants. I’m hoping he brings a fellow Chicagoan onstage (Chief Keef, perhaps?). I’m expecting to be confused. I’m expecting to be a little terrified at some points. But whatever happens, it will undoubtedly be awesome because Kanye West is the voice of this generation, of this decade.

Rhymes & LIfe: The Late Summer Classic

Even though August is totally the Ringo Starr of the summer/spring months, the late summer is my favorite musical season. Now for you non-musical nerds, I will break down the difference between early summer music and late summer music. The beginning of the summer is exciting; everyone is optimistic and relieved that the summer is finally here. Spirits are elated, thoughts are simple and the energy is high – and the music reflects that.

In summer 2013, Daft Punk released one of the most perfect summer songs I’ve ever heard – “Get Lucky.” It is the absolute reflection of what a young person feels in the months of May and June (also in 2012, B.o.B.’s “So Good” was a highly underrated/underutilized early summer track). The disco/funk infused guitar riffs, sultry vocals and the high-paced drums, along with an incredibly catchy chorus and lyricism about a night of fun, sexual pursuits makes for an anthem for anyone going out on a June Friday night. (fun.’s “Some Nights” was great in 2012 too.) The equally funky and Pharrell-infused (seriously, I’m so glad this man is back on the radio) “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke is another great early summer jam from this summer.

But after the initial excitement and unpredictability of that summer euphoria wears off, you have August – and your late summer classics. August is one of the worst months of the year – it’s usually unbearably hot, school is right around the corner (well, it used to be), I didn’t do all those things on my summer to-do list and the Indians have fallen out of the play-off hunt. August is a sobering month; after two months of carelessness and freedom, the late summer serves as the hangover. Late summer music is still aesthetically warm, but it tends to be a little slower (but still in that mid-tempo range) and often more introspective. These are the type of songs you play while you roll out of bed around noon, walk to Starbucks and wear shades to get that goddamn sun out of your eyes.

The best late summer album I’ve ever heard is without question Raekwon’s “Only Built 4 Cuban Linx…” The album’s warm and cinematic production is the perfect backdrop to an August evening, and Raekwon and Ghostface’s lyrical urgency and ambitious storyline is relatable for my late summer existential crises. (Granted they’re mostly talking about drug dealing, and I’m, I don’t know trying to get a job or something with ambition.) A great pop example of a late summer classic is Justin Timberlake’s “Future Love/Sex Sounds.” While this album has songs that I would consider early summer songs (“Sexy Back” and “My Love”), as a whole I’d say it’s a late summer album (especially the breakdown on “Summer Love” and the brilliant “LoveStoned… She Knows”).

The best late summer song I’ve heard this year is undoubtedly Mayer Hawthorne and Kendrick Lamar’s “Crime.” The tone of the guitars and piano make envision drinking outside at like one final cookout before the summer concludes (but maybe that’s just me). Last year Kendrick’s “Swimming Pools” was a prime example of a great late summer song. And Macklemore’s “Same Love” and Lana Del Rey’s “Summer Time Sadness” were also notable late summer songs from 2012, but strangely enough they’re just now seeing some attention on the charts this summer. Even though they’re definitely going to get ignore by pop radio and they came out in May, I’d make a strong argument for Vampire Weekend’s ”Ya Hey” and The National’s “This is the Last Time” for late summer songs of 2013. (Vamp Week also contributed “Diane Young” and The National’s “Sea of Love” and “Don’t Swallow the Cap” for early summer bangers.)

So even though the summer is over in a few weeks and we’re going to have to break out the hoodies and emo music soon, we can still enjoy a few more weeks of the best music-listening weather of the year.

Life: Anustart (part 1: The Day I Quit My Job)

I’ve decided that I’m going to make BRL more primarily focused as my personal blog – sprinkled of course with my unmatchable humor and wit (see: my life advice posts). I will occasionally post some musically based things, but I’ll probably just post most of my hip hop thoughts on a blog I’ve been writing for over a year: HipHopSpeakeasy and of course Okayplayer, RapReviews and my new home PlanetIll. I got a lot of neat shit going on in my life right now, so I figured I’d use BRL as a platform to share my experiences with my loyal and vast fan base.

And for those who don’t get this posts title, I will direct you to the image below (an Arrested Development gag):

Today I quit my job.

A risky move for anyone in today’s improving but still very unstable economic climate, and an especially risky move for a journalist. Yes I was very lucky to land a job writing full-time at a newspaper in my hometown only four months after graduation. It was also lucky I was able to crash with my parents over the past 13 months, as I dedicate large portions of my paycheck towards my student loans. But only one day after the Chicago Sun-Times laid off its entire full-time photo staff, I left my first and possibly final job as a newspaper reporter.

Now before you scream at your computer screen like you would at the protagonist in a horror film who is unaware that a man with a large knife is hiding behind that door, this move isn’t entirely spontaneous. I’ve spent the entire tenure at this job saving up money for my inevitable re-location, and I’ve spent the past four months scouting out cities to move to when I’ve finally had enough of Tiffin, Ohio. I found a cool spot in northern #REDACTED# in a co-op for a relatively low rent. No, I do not have a job lined up at the moment. A fact that became all the more worrisome when I explained to my co-workers that I’m basically going into this thing blind. “He’ll be back” they’re thinking to themselves, while they twirl their mustaches (yes all my co-workers are the villain from Rocky & Bullwinkle). 

In three weeks I will be unemployed; in four weeks from tomorrow I will be living in a new city. Is this whole thing entirely thought out? Not at all. But I think my life could use a little spontaneity. It will at least lead to some pretty amusing/interesting blog posts that my cult following will enjoy.

I think that’s all for now… At the moment I’m pretty optimistic/excited about the possibilities that await me in my future, but I’m sure my next post will resemble this:

Rhymes: Savage (Artist Spotlight)

Cleveland has got to be feeling pretty good about itself, as the Tribe is one of MLB's hottest teams. So it's good timing on a day that the Indians get its third walk-off win in four days, that Cleveland spitter Savage releases his new video "Dream Team" off of his debut mixtape Olympic Gold.

On his first tape Savage displays his sharp flow, lyrical braggadocio, and his affinity for sports references that rivals emcees like Wale and Rapper Big Pooh. You can check out the project here.

Rhymes: A Reaction to an Evening With Bob Dylan (Concert Review)

On April 21, 2013 I saw Bob Dylan perform live in Bowling Green, Ohio at BGSU’s Stroh Center. The indie-folk band Dawes opened for Dylan, and they were pretty good. The doors opened at 6:30; Dawes began their set promptly at the designated 7:30 set time. Around 9 p.m., a 71 year-old version of Robert Zimmerman appeared on stage. He performed for approximately an hour and a half with a large group of very talented blues musicians. Dylan sang (well, he did his best with his decrepit vocal chords), played piano and played harmonica – at times a tad too loudly. His set list revolved around mostly playing new songs from his very good 2012 album Tempest, and really only played four classics: “Tangled Up in Blue,” “All Along the Watch Tower,” “Ballad of a Thin Man” and “Visions of Johanna.” (Apparently he opened with “Things Have Changed” but I don’t remember/didn’t recognize it.)

This is the only thing I can confirm from that unforgettable evening. Everything that follows this sentence, is purely speculation and me trying to figure out what actually happened on that fateful April Sunday evening.

 Bob Dylan is the last of his peers. Sure, there are the Rolling Stones, the Beach Boys and the surviving members of the Beatles, but Dylan is on a planet of his own. He is an enigma; he loathes the spotlight and media attention, but has actively toured and released music since 1962. Seeing him on stage, there is a profound self-awareness about him as he carries his aging body in front of a crowd made up of a few college-aged hippies and a large assortment of middle-aged fans enthralled to witness a man whom they admired since their youth. All of these people will leave around 10:30 p.m. completely alienated and confused.

Dylan stands in a mostly-filled arena, that on tamer nights is the home of a below-average college basketball team and the occasional graduation ceremony, and he is noticeably the oldest member of the congregation. When he comes on stage the crowd erupts, and this would be the last time that Dylan’s performance meets any expectation of a concert or live performance.

The legendary singer-songwriter gets right into his set without greeting the crowd. This was the first tip off that this night was going to be both bizarre and completely unforgettable. Like many have warned me before the show, his vocals are not what they once were. I was fully prepared to hear the man on Tempest and his weird ass Christmas Album, and not the man on Blood on the Tracks and Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan, so his vocal performance was not in the least bit upsetting to me.

 

The crowds’ reaction ranged from completely excited (the middle-aged die hards) to completely withdrawn, checking their cell phones and eagerly awaiting their next beer (the college kids who realized they are not as big of Dylan fans as they would lead their Facebook friends to believe), to drugged out (that one crazy lady who had a minor seizure in the aisle next to me), to completely alienated and confused (everyone else in between). The audience was asked to sit a couple times throughout the performance; the most annoying time was during “Tangled Up in Blue.” This event led to much of the crowd interchanging arguments on concert protocol and whether or not they should stand or remain seated.

In their defense, I too was a bit confused on what the appropriate position for the performance. I have attended many high-energy shows where everyone would stand and sing or rap along with the artist. I have also attended soft, intimate performances where the audience will remain seated while a bearded gentleman will sing and play acoustic guitar. Bob Dylan’s performance at BGSU was somewhere awkwardly in between those two settings. The music was often slow-tempo, but there was enough energy in the performance from his harmonica and guitar players to call for your typical standing position. But at the same time, it was not a performance that one could sing along with. For one, a vast majority of the audience probably only recognized a third of the set list. And the songs that were recognizable, were often warped – likely so Dylan could sing along, as his chops are no longer able to match the faster paced songs – beyond recognition for the average fan.

Dylan’s set list was also much longer than I had expected. And I think the most surprising moment of the evening was when he came back on stage to do an encore. He did “Ballad of a Thin Man,” which was totally unexpected and awesome. At the end of the song, he approached the mic; up until this point he did not speak or engage the crowd in any way (ie: your standard “thank you BG!” or “how we feelin’ tonight?!”). It appeared that he was about to speak, but decided to instead point with both hands to right balcony area of the arena. This was awesome and confusing. We’re still unsure what he was pointing at, but someone told me that it involved some sort of promotion for the Red Cross or something. I like to think he wanted to make the crowd feel more confused.

My friends and I left the Stroh Center dumbfounded. We thought it was incredibly “ice cold” (cooler than being cool (c) Andre 3000) that he did his set without doing anything a performer normally would. As we were about to cross Wooster Street to get some Burger King, we saw Dylan’s tour bus head towards I-75, no less than 15 minutes after his show had concluded.

It’s been weeks since that night, and I’m still trying to figure out what exactly happened. My hypothesis: Dylan is the last living true rock star. In an era where the masses love a politically correct, clean-cut entertainer/athlete, we are not used to an artist who is going to do what the fuck he wants. And that’s exactly what Bob Dylan does – and always has. Most musicians, like the opener Dawes, are eager to impress a crowd, Dylan would rather challenge and alienate an audience. Dylan, who has spent the bulk of his life entertaining, no longer has anything left to prove and he is completely aware of this fact. This is why he would release an album that Rolling Stone called the darkest in his catalog, 50 years after his debut. This is why he is not selling out arenas and playing “Like a Rolling Stone” and “Times They Are a Changin’.” While many artists his age are happy with letting their legacy keep them relevant, Dylan is continuing to re-invent himself.

While I can’t say exactly what happened at the weirdest performance of music I have ever witnessed, I can say it was truly unforgettable. And awesome. Stay cool, Bobby D, stay cool.

BEET Life (vol. 3): 3 Ways to Trick People Into Thinking You're Intelligent

Having a hard time landing a job? Have you come to grips that women will never find you attractive, and you’re too big of an asshole to ever get points for being nice? Well fret not, you can still be a desirable person to society with intelligence. What’s that? You’re a complete moron? That’s totally cool because we here at BRL have developed three clever ways for you to mask your total inability to cultivate any sort of brain activity.

1.)  Wear glasses

The first and most obvious way to trick people into thinking you’re smart is to wear glasses, nay, spectacles. I stumbled upon my spectacles about a year ago, and it’s truly amazing how much smarter I look now than I did without my lenses. This is a great way to go, especially if you’ve already realized your not winning anybody over with your looks. Glasses not only put the image of librarians into people’s minds, but they also cover up some of your face, which literally is masking your hideous facial features.

One of these guys is a mysterious, handsome and intelligent young man, the other one is a fucking idiot.

Now before you go out a purchase the first pair of glasses you see, cool your shit. You have to pick the right kind of glasses to convey the perfect image of intellect. If you do this wrong and choose the wrong pair of specs, you could wind up looking like a bigger idiot than you already are (see: essentially every NBA star in post-game press conferences). You’re going to want a modest frame; unless you’re Woody Allen or Rick Moranis, people are just going to assume you’re a hipster and therefore, an idiot. Just get a pair of glasses that people who can’t see would wear, it’s not that damn hard.

You're doing it wrong, man.

2.)  Pretend you read

Here is another big one – reading. Smart people read, or so I’ve heard. So what you have to do is to put on an illusion that you are a fan of the written word. It’s really not that hard to pretend you read because when people see you with a magazine or a book, they’re going to assume you will at some point read it. Now what you need to do is get a couple of subscriptions to magazines like Time or The New Yorker (you can get Hustler too, but I’d put that in a more discreet location). If you want to get really crazy, carry a newspaper around. When you have these things, place them  around your apartment, where people are going to see them (coffee tables, counters, etc.). Make sure you rough them up a little bit too; people have to think you’ve actually flipped through these goddamn brain puzzles.

Bonus points for leather-bound books, bitches love leather-bound books.

Now on to the hard part, books.  What you’re going to want to do is get on eBay and buy a couple dozen books; eBay is great because you can get beat up, used books for like $4. It is important to be selective about what type of books you’re adding to your faux library. Don’t buy any books you would be interested in reading (that is if you actually read, which you don’t), so that's a "no" to having a Harry Potter book or any other book that was turned into a popular movie. You’re going to want to load up with a combination of older literature (ie: Dickens, Hemingway) and a few contemporary non-fiction works (maybe a few biographies and a couple of political books). Also on Facebook you can list books that you’ve “read” to your about me page. People will be inclined to think you’ve read those books, because no one’s lame enough to lie about reading, right?

3.)  Selective word choice

Using big words is a great way to trick people into thinking you’re smart. (See all these big words I’ve been using in this article? Yeah, no idea what they mean.) But it can be tricky because it’s also a fairly easy thing to fuck up, especially if you’re trying to trick real smart people into thinking you’re smart. But choosing the right way doesn’t always mean choose a big word. For example, saying the word “film” instead of “movie” will instantly make you sound like Roger Ebert. I’ve subtly done this throughout this article (“spectacles” instead of glasses and “intelligent” instead of smart), and I have you eating out my hand because you think I’m super smart.

BEET Life (vol. 2): 5 Pieces of Bad Advice from Rappers

I can genuinely say since turning 10 years old, hip hop has taught me about life more than anything else. (Yes, more than my parents, teachers, the Bible, Dr. Suess, etc.) Advice like “back that azz up” and “Wu-Tang Clan ain’t nothing to fuck wit” and who could forget “throw some D’s on that bitch” has shaped me into the man I am today. Unfortunately, not everything said in a rap song is sound advice. That’s why I’ve compiled a list to remind folks that yes many of these rappers are wholesome, sound advice givers, there are a few in the bunch that are just up to no good.

#1. Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems – Notorious B.I.G.

 

Now Christopher Wallace, better known as Biggie Smalls or Notorious B.I.G. has always been one of the better advice givers in hip hop. To this day, I consult “Ten Crack Commandments” whenever I’m planning a business venture (“never get high on your own supply” and “keep yo’ family and business completely separated” are two bits of guidance that can translate into nearly any situation), but with his 1997 hit “Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems” he really drops the proverbial ball.

As someone who has gone his whole life with a lack of funds, I can attest more revenue coming into my life would not only not add to my list of problems, but it would in fact erase several problems. As a recent college graduate, I’ve found myself in about $50,000 in debt. If I had mo’ money, I would be able to pay off these loans, move out of my parents house, pop bottlez and buy more rap records. It’s quite clear that I would have less problems if I had mo’ money. Sorry BIG, you can’t win them all.

#2. Bitches Ain’t Shit – Dr. Dre and Snoop Doggy Dogg

 

On the surface, bitches ain’t shit is a true statement. Women (or female dogs even) are not bowel movements. But the true sentiment of this rap lyric is buried under some deep metaphorical, brilliant usage of the English language. To my understanding, which could be off base considering I’ve only earned my Bachelor’s whereas Dr. Dre has heard his PHD (not an MD, like many have claimed), that this song is saying that one should not be concerned with women.

I’ll get back to the basic thesis of this song in a moment, but first I want to address the language of this song. Like many impressionable hip hop listeners, I always assumed that the word “bitch” was applicable in everyday communications – it’s not. After extensive experimentation with the word “bitch,” I’ve concluded that women, indeed do not enjoy being referred to as such. First I’ve tried it with my mother, then later with every love interest I’ve encountered, and I’ve gotten lukewarm reception at best (and embarrassing physical injury at worst). So that misguidance alone is enough to land a spot on this list (and yes Too $hort, I’ve tried your extended “biiiiiiyaattcchhh” and have found it to be worse in some cases), but that’s only half of it.

In my 23 years, I’ve found that women are not only “shit” but also play a very vital role in a man’s life. I’ve had time with female guidance and time without female guidance, and I can say life is easier when you have a woman telling you what to do. In my early years, it was my mother who gave me advice (“don’t put that in your nose” “shut the hell up or I will beat your ass”), then later on it was girlfriends and girl friends (“don’t drink that” “you look like an asshole” “don’t put that in your nose”). And I’ve discovered when I don’t have these women in my life to tell me what to do (and more often, what not to do), I end up getting myself into some pretty unfavorable situations. So ladies, BRL is officially a pro-bitches website. You’re welcome Tina and Amy.

#3. Only God Can Judge Me – 2Pac

 

 

2Pac lived, and well, died by this mantra. Unfortunately this is just 100% inaccurate. You live most of your life being judged by others. I think a more accurate statement (depending on your beliefs) is that God is the last person (or whatever he or she is) that will judge you. And God judges good (see: Old Testament).

But there are several others in our lives that judge, and sometimes this judgment is helpful (see: mothers and girlfriends). Sure, other judgment isn’t as great (see: the jury on OJ Simpson’s 1994 trial). But my point is there are many judges in our lives; here’s a short list: the aforementioned women and juries, judges, bloggers, people who drive behind slow drivers.

#4. Bring Da Ruckus – Wu-Tang Clan

 

I can say the 9-10 members of Wu-Tang Clan have played more of a role in developing me into the incredibly average individual I am today than just about any other group of 9 or 10 African-American gentlemen. Ghostface Killah telling me to “be nice to the crackheads” was stern, fatherly guidance that I needed when I was a just a sophomore in high school. And the late great Ol’ Dirty Bastard telling me to use conditioner has helped my hair in more ways than I can count. But I can tell you that bringing da motherfuckin ruckus at the wrong time, can really hurt you socially and economically.

Sure, bringing said ruckus can be an enjoyable experience, but one must pick his or her spots. Bringing da motherfuckin ruckus at 1:30 a.m. at a dive bar is a more than acceptable time to do so. But bringing that same ruckus to a funeral, can be bothersome to many. Bringing just a little bit of ruckus to a court hearing could lead you to doing a little bit of time in the penitentiary (which wouldn’t be a bad place to bring some ruckus, I’d imagine).

#5. Where the Hood At? – DMX 

The main basis of this song is Earl Simmons on an odyssey for his neighborhood (or it might be his hooded sweatshirt, again layers). I have no issue with this because I’m sure Mr. Simmons has managed to get lost on many occasions, as this song was recorded well before GPS devices were the norm. And I get that. DMX and I both have a less-than-desirable sense of direction, so if I were lost I’d be yelling “where da hood at” also.

The main problem is the bits of advice sprinkled in the verses of this song, while he is searching aimlessly for his hood. First off you have “show no love to homo thugs.” Now this is a piece of advice I think is aimed towards my homosexual friends. I think he’s trying to say gay men, “hey, you can do better than that dead beat who is physically and emotionally abusing you.” This is great advice, gay men shouldn’t have to settle for “thugs.” Unfortunately when you piece together other bits of this verse (“how you gon’ explain fuckin a man? Even if we squash the beef, I ain’t touchin ya hand”), one starts to think that helping gay men find a quality mate is not what Mr. Simmons had in mind when he penned this track.

So speaking to gay and straight men, it is perfectly okay to be accepting of homosexual lifestyles. I know DMX has said some profound things in the past that have both tested the limits of the English language and human spirituality, but this one is a straight up dud.

Also “empty out ya clips and throw mo’ slugs” is another misstep in this track. If you do have a liscenced firearm, I highly recommend you do not empty out your clips and throw more slugs without at least asking a couple of questions first.